Tuesday, October 11, 2011

The Center for Non-Reproductive Rights

My conscience has been tormenting me, about how small-minded I am, and self-righteous and hypocritical, so I finally decided to stop being such a coward for a moment and actually tried to slightly lessen if not overcome my probably invincible ignorance. I am speaking of course about the The Center for Reproductive Rights, which I am pleased now to inform you is a legal innovator seeking to fundamentally transform the landscape of reproductive health and rights worldwide, and which has defined the course of reproductive rights through their victories in regional, federal, and local Courts around the world, as well as at the United Nations, and also influences the law outside the courtroom, by Reporting on Rights and Engaging policymakers to promote progressive ideas and defeat proposals that are discriminatory, punitive, or dangerous to women's health. Why, The Center is expanding the world community of knowledgeable, committed reproductive rights champions. It sponsors Conferences and Trainings for lawyers and other advocates. And their Law School Initiative is revolutionizing the way reproductive rights law is taught in the U.S.

Okay, I admit, nay, affirm that I just cut and pasted a lot of that, with maybe some changes in pronouns and concomitant grammar. I wanted to preserve the raw, the authentic style -- not entirely conforming to the conventions of standard English usage, you may insist, but that would be paternalistic. We're talking about women here, and their Reproductive Rights, and you want to quibble about capitalizations and dashes. Pathetic. What a hater. The Center people are such committed reproductive rights Champions! Hooah! We shall overcome! They are rights Champions, thrice so, Champions of the Third Right, Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of ... no, wait ... ah, liberté, égalité, fraternité, except not fraternité cuz that's phallocentric ... sororité ... Reich Champions, I say, Aryan heroes I mean heroins, and not Aryan, Venusian, who are reproductive!

Understand that by "reproductive" is meant "non-reproductive." Cuz we're talking about abortion. Burn baby, burn. What is the word? Sterile? Let's see ... re, pro, duce. From "produce," a section of a supermarket; see "duct," from the Latin, ducere, to lead (c.f. Il Duce, a one-time leader of Italy); "product," to lead forth ... re pro duct, to do so again, generationally, from "generation": the process of creation (c.f. Genesis). "Abort": to interrupt a process. "Process," from the Latin processus, a going forward, root, cedere, to yield, surrender. See "pro-choice," favoring the negative; antonym: "pro-life," opposed to the right to choose.

So that's that. Clarity has been achieved. I feel so much lighter now that I've opened my mind. It was getting crowded in there, what with all those trapped words.

And on The Center's webpage we find the satisfied smile of a lovely young woman of color,
content in the memory of a job well-done. Minorities after all are the major beneficiaries of the right to choose reproductive services. Oh! LOL! Minorities are the majority!!! Haha! That's funny. If there were more of them, they'd be majorities! Hm. I wonder why there's not more of them. It's a puzzlement, a Mystery Rite to Choose, git it? Almost like somebody doesn't want too many of them, these minorities. But that would be racist, and we know who the racists are.

And The Center's webpage also had a cartoon caption contest, and here's a winner:
Right on, man. Word. Cuz the Man is so like that. Ho! Stop, in the name of the Law! Unhand that damsel, you blackguard! Man, that Perry and all those Republicans. More like, um, ReFascisticans. Yeah.

Oh! That cartoon's by Jack Chen! I wonder if it's the same Jack Chen who did such stellar work for the Peking Review (one, two) back in the mid-60s.
See how "Uncle" Sam (the United States) is making that little man jump through hoops? Looks Irish. Imperialistically oppressing Ireland. Looks like Jack got the dollar sign backwards, but he probably didn't really speak English so much in those days. Oh! It's John Bull! Ha ha. Who's the imperialist now, little man?

And here's the Reptile of the North, oppressing Latin America in the 60s. Take that, and that, Serpent! Those gringos are always trying to sneak into the south. Here's a video about Jack Chen, CIA agent who follows the case for six years...!
Babe is hot. Jack must be a double agent, secretly fighting for the People's Republic and Justice for the Common Man and Women's Rights.

Is Jack still alive, fighting the good fight? Must be. Keep on truckin', comrade. You rock for an old dude.

And here's another The Center cartoon (not by Jack though) caption winner:
Oh, that's rich, baby, rich. Situation comedy, dude. Laughter is the best medicine. You can't make this stuff up. So. When you're a winner you're a winner. Wit like this, it's, um, cutting.

Just thought I'd share my new perspective. Death to the unwanted fœti! We shall overcome their persistent and inconvenient impositions and so-called "lives". Nothing but organized mucus. Fuck 'em.


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