Friday, July 26, 2013


I realize that my grasping grabbing groping thrusting tweaking kneading squeezing rubbing honking poking prodding probing of countless subordinate and supplicant succulent submissive women can be viewed by some as somewhat inappropriate, and I am taking a two week vacation slash hiatus from my mayoral duties of San Diego to correct this character issue and lifetime behavior of over fifty years, after which I will return to continue my Progressive Democrat agenda of socially aware policies which focus on gay and reproductive rights. I am indispensable.  I have no plans to resign.  Fuck you very much.

It is true that after the last time I came before you regarding this issue -- and by "came" I do not mean the expulsion of sexual or generative fluid from my prostate and testes along my urethra via the convulsive spasming of my bulbospungiosus muscle enervated by the pundental nerve (Wikipedia video of the ejaculatory event HERE (and this video does not, I repeat does NOT represent me, my own digitized history on the web, to the best of my recollection)) -- I resigned from my Congressional seat -- and by "seat" I do not mean my well-defined glute muscles which through diligent bodybuilding donkey-kick exercises in the gym I have enlarged so that the posterior of my tighty whities, or GRAY or blue, depending on my mood (even red sometimes) demonstrates a hot hot sexy bulgy curve that internet chicks totally dig -- due to my poor judgment that I exercised by being responsible for indulging in embarrassingly for my constituents but most of all my wife and family -- and by "embarrassingly" I do not mean to raise any image of my "bare" "ass", which I did not reveal in my many sexts to the not-more-than-a-dozen women after I had already resigned -- and by "raise" I do not mean to call to mind any existing or known digital image of my semi-erect penis which I took at my office desk with my trousers down at my ankles.  I have no plans to withdraw from the mayoral race of the City of New York because I am indispensable -- and by "withdraw" I do not mean pulling my undoubtedly manscaped penis, whether erect, semi-erect or flaccid, from any possible vagina I might have happened to find myself in, for which I take full responsibility, although how could that happen, just by sexting.  Fuck you very much.


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